Polk County

THE FOLLOWING IS BASED ON ACTUAL EVENTS AND INTERTWINED WITH POSSIBLE SPECULATION AS WELL AS FACT (I suppose it depends on if you’re a Tribe fan or not)

Alright, well it officially happened, I went to Polk County. No, no, it was not on an Obscenity Witch-Hunt Tour o’ Florida (I know that’s what you were thinking). My parents came down from Cleveland to enjoy some of the Florida sunshine for the weekend. My Dad, being the huge Cleveland Indians fan that he is, wanted to go see an Indians Spring Training game. So I got the directions off the internet and we were off to Winter Haven, Florida. Once we got through Walt’s end of Orlando, it lead to miles and miles of orange groves, which of course (as you know if you have ever been to the area) lead to the Holy Land.
So we’re driving in pretty much the middle of nowhere, suddenly I start noticing the fact that there was a church pretty much every 500 feet. It reminded me of the little Polk County situation that we discussed in class. So me, being the good daughter I am, told my parents of the trials and tribulations of the infamous Polk County and its Barney Fife-esque law enforcement – which by the way, they were appalled by the story (and trust me, my Dad is a good republican from Ohio). As I’m telling the story I start noticing more and even MORE churches, then the signs about being “saved” and advertising for churches. A few minutes later there it was, the delicate white and blue sign welcoming me to Polk County offering me wonderful and so I inferred, non-Gestapo-like visit. Though, I am thankful and happy to report I did not experience any “typical” Polk County-like actions, just going to the stadium and back, I did find some information that perpetuated the stereotype. It turns out that the Cleveland Indians are moving their Spring Training Facility from Winter Haven to some place in Arizona. My Dad, being the avid talk radio fan that he is, was able to give me the entire low down on situation. Apparently part of the reason they are leaving Winter Haven is due to the City’s lack of fulfilling their promises to the ball club. The city was supposed to commit to certain marketing conditions, stadium alterations, etc., etc. – apparently they have not performed any of these parts of the agreement. But Winter Haven has stated that they are receiving “pressure” from the County to allow the teams (the Detroit Tigers have their facility around there too) to leave if they wish, for concern of the kinds of people/undesirables the Spring Training games bring in to the area (which is ironic because the game I saw brought a majority of senior citizens from what I could see).
Since when is something as American as the game of baseball considered as an attraction of undesirables? Now, I don’t know how much of this is completely accurate (that’s my little disclaimer) and how much of it is just angry Cleveland Sports Fan Urban Legend, but it does seem coincidental. I also looked up the Polk County website and the Spring Training Facilities is advertised as an entire tourist attraction, so they have to understand the monetary benefits of it. It also occurred to me, that the decision (supposedly) coming from the county sounds more snobbish than fascist (unlike some of the other actions of Polk County). But hey, porn, the 1st Amendment, America’s favorite pastime; who knows, maybe the next time you drive through Polk County the Chili’s Restaurant on the main thoroughfare in Winter Haven might be banned for the phallic-symbol logo, after all, you don’t want to get to racy, it leads to dirty thoughts, the next thing you know you’re children are attending Saddam & Gomorrah Middle School. Good thing we have people like the officials of Polk County to help us realize what’s best for us all…

- Kim Harchuck